A Rotten Day

We were told by Scott's HR department that we would have breakdowns. Today feels like a mini-breakdown in that nothing seems to be going right.

I've been researching Mandarin language schools and everyone I've spoken to has recommended one on one classes, which are quite expensive for Beijing standards -- between $1,500 and $3,000 for 12 weeks of part time courses. I wouldn't feel bad spending that amount if I was working, but since I'm not yet, it's a big chunk of money for us and I'm feeling guilty. At the same time, I know my frustrations with this city won't get better at all until I start class. I feel compelled to keep looking for better prices (guess that's the Jew in me), but also wonder, at what point do you cut your losses and just put down the credit card -- if the school even takes credit cards?

Money has been a huge difficulty this first week. We opened an HSBC account in the U.S. but can't access it -- and, in turn, our Beijing HSBC account -- because some wires got crossed. To make matters worse, few places take credit cards, so we're hoarding our cash. There's always an uncomfortable feeling when you're tight on money, but more so in a foreign country where credit can't be used and our reserves can't be accessed.



I'm feeling angry, both at myself for not doing more research prior to coming here, and at Scott's company for not helping us through the banking situation, which is extremely complicated in China. Maybe it's unfair to blame his company, but today I feel so lost, like there's no one helping us and that as good as we may be at researching and reaching out for help, we are simply banging our heads against a wall.

I'm also worried about over-asking and bothering the few new friends we have made. How many times can I e-mail someone to ask questions without pushing them away? I don't want to make myself seem helpless or stupid, but there's also no shame in asking for help, right? I found myself writing and deleting an e-mail to the WSJ Beijing bureau chief several times today before sending it. He had e-mailed and said to reach out if I needed anything, but I don't want to do that too much, considering I also hope to have a working relationship with the bureau eventually.

The feelings today have also made me wonder how I've treated newcomers: was I helpful enough in New York City? Did I give good advice or did the quick e-mails I may have written seem hasty? Or were those e-mails okay because the answers to someone's questions came naturally to me; where to get good Mexican food on the Upper West Side, which eyebrow threading salon was the best, where to find a dive bar in Times Square.

I'm not sure. But I hope to pay it forward to a Beijing newcomer someday, when I can laugh about all this frustration. Right now, that idea seems so far away.