A Rural Chinese Wedding

Earlier this summer, Scott and I went to our Mandarin teacher's wedding. It was a totally cool experience, with new traditions and cultures -- along with a few things that looked the same.

Us with Hou Laoshi, or "Teacher Hou," inside the home she grew up in.

Hou Laoshi getting ready to show us around her village.

Hou Laoshi grew up in a small village in the northeastern province of Jilin. When we arrived, her jie jie, or elder sister, picked us at the bus station (to get there, we took a flight and then a three-hour public bus) and brought us to a banquet hall overflowing with food and neighbors. This was a Sunday, the day before the wedding, and the time the bride's family hosts a get together. In China, the groom's family traditionally pays for the wedding and it's usually hosted in his hometown, so the Sunday event was akin to a rehearsal dinner -- except with Hou Laoshi's entire village invited, as is the custom.

The table piled high with food at the equivalent of a rehearsal dinner.

We dined on duck, chicken, noodles, sweet potatoes, vegetables and fish. Plates were stacked on top of each other and the baijiu, traditional Chinese liquor, shots were flowing. At the end of the meal, we learned it's customary to put a pack of cigarettes and sunflowers seeds on the table -- akin to an aperitif, I guess.

One of her uncles, a lover of Mao, showing off his cell phone's home screen.

Once the banquet lunch was over, Hou Laoshi took us around her village. We got to see where she went to school, how she grew up and her home, a humble one-bedroom that serves as both the dining room, living room and sleeping space all at once, with a small annex as the kitchen. Her family grows most of what they eat, so behind the home was a large vegetable garden that included eggplant, cilantro, lettuce and tomatoes, and chickens in a coup for fresh eggs.

Part of the land that Hou Laoshi's family used to own. Today, it's the backyard to a small hotel with this manmade pond where locals go to fish. 

We learned that her family used to be very wealthy and owned the most prominent plot of land several decades ago, with vast farming space. But after a flood destroyed the land, her father's family lost all of it and the government, as a concession, built a small one-room home for them.

From L to R: Hou Laoshi's aunt, father, older brother, Hou Laoshi, her mother and older sister in their home.

What struck me the most was the lack of privacy. It must be strange for Hou Laoshi to see the space that Scott and I have, after growing up in a one-room home where homework and sleeping and eating were all done together. The only private place, it seemed, was the outhouse. When I asked her about this, she shrugged; it was this way for her and all her neighbors, so it never seemed out of the ordinary.

Zheng He, knocking on the door to Hou Laoshi's home, ready to give hongbao to convince her family members to let him in. Villagers stand around to watch.

The day of the wedding, we awoke at 5 a.m. to be part of the procession, in which the groom has a motorcade take him to the bride's home, where he gives hongbao, or red envelopes filled with money, to the bride's family, who try to not let him in until he's given them enough cash. Once Zheng He, Hou Laoshi's fiancee, was let in, videographers and photographers hovered around the couple to document the customs of feeding each other noodles, to wish them a good, long life, and inviting Zheng He's family to come into the home and share a drink with them.

Feeding each other noodles, with the videographer getting every second.

A little girl poses in front of the BMW that will carry Hou Laoshi and Zheng He to his hometown for the ceremony.

Then we were off to Zheng He's hometown, which was about an hour's drive away. When we arrived, the villagers were all lined up to watch the bride get out of the rented BMW, with music blaring, and then the same tradition occurred at Zheng He's home -- taking pictures, inviting Hou Laoshi's family to drink around the table, etc.

Hou Laoshi and Zheng He pose with her family inside his home.

Scott and Zheng He (in the middle) with some of Zheng He's college friends.

After that, the festivities began, with a DJ on a raised red platform (complete with a bubble machine), who introduced the couple and then asked several folks to speak -- including us. Luckily, one of Zheng He's college friends who knows English and Chinese was able to put together a quick speech in Chinese for Scott to say, on our behalf. The villagers were nice, applauding for him afterward, though I have no idea if he said everything correctly! They probably were more astounded at seeing foreigners in this small town. (Some of them asked to take photos with us afterward.)

Scott, giving a speech in Chinese on our behalf. I just pretended to help hold the piece of paper.

Hou Laoshi, talking with a friend, in her second gown of the day -- a brilliant red qipao.

Once the speeches were over, the feast began, and plates upon plates of food were thrust upon us. Hou Laoshi changed into a red gown and she and Zheng He went around to tables to collect hongbao from guests, and then took shots of baijiu with the men and light cigarettes for them, as is the custom.

A group shot of us near the lake. 

In the afternoon, we drove to a beautiful lake nearby Zheng He's village, where Scott tried to teach their friends how to skip rocks. Exhausted, Scott and I fell asleep on the kang, or raised platform bed in Zheng He's home, when we returned, to the amusement of all his family members. When we awoke, we drove back to a larger town and ended the long, but fun day with Karaoke -- a must here in China.

Selfie with the bride! 

One of my favorite things about living in China is the ability to learn about this rich culture, and seeing a Chinese wedding in action was definitely a highlight of our time here. It helped me understand so much about the culture, how important family is and how communities really are close-knit entities, so much more then in the U.S., where we often don't even know our neighbors, much less invite them to weddings. There's something to be said for knowing so much about the people who live around you.

Most of all, the trip allowed me to understand Hou Laoshi so much better -- to see where she came from and how much she's achieved. It's a testament to her ambition.