After a wonderful week in the U.S., I made my way back to Beijing, via a 26-hour journey. When I landed, my legs and feet felt and looked like they belonged to an elephant, and I found myself having mixed emotions. I was ready to get back to Beijing, but I didn't want to leave the land of ease: of English menus and signs, of being able to chit chat with the CVS pharmacy clerk, of swiping my credit card instead of needing cash.
I also realized how much I miss my family. Getting to spend so much time with them made me feel whole again. As great as Skype sessions and Google hangouts are, you can't get the clarity and empathy from them that you get with face-to-face conversations. Mishaps and silly antics come up that form inside jokes, in a way that will be talked about for years down the line. Even when my relatives annoyed the heck out of me -- like when my mom wanted me to try on one more freakin' dress at TJ Maxx -- I felt much more tolerance to annoying family moments that I haven't felt in years. It wasn't that I saw my family any more when I lived in New York; but something about being so far away made me cherish the time I have with them. I didn't want to spend it snapping at my mom or arguing with my sister. I just wanted to be in their presence and soak up their personalities, warts and all.
It's easy to feel lonely and have a bit of a let down after looking forward to a trip back to America. I had been talking about and preparing for this trip for a long time. But I also felt a renewed excitement of getting back to Beijing. I know we won't live here forever, and time is ticking so we should explore as much of China and Asia as possible while we can.
When the taxi pulled up to our apartment building in Beijing, Scott was waiting for me outside. I was excited to see him, to see the cats, to eat Chinese food. I actually was craving it. I wanted to dip dumplings in soy sauce and vinegar and slurp cold noodles.
I needed the family time and support I got from seeing my parents, siblings, cousins, grandma and aunts and uncles. I needed to vent about difficulties here, but also tell them about the excitement of living abroad. Having these connections made me think about moving closer to family once we do move back to the U.S. Family can be annoying and obnoxious, but they're the strong fabric that keeps us going and levels us when we feel lost.
Yesterday, I went to run errands and felt happy when I walked to the little store near our home to buy Southeastern Asian fruits. I maneuvered through the dense crowds on the streets in Sanlitun later that afternoon and took a moment to enjoy the wind that cooled me down while riding on Scott's moped.
Right now, though some days are hard, Beijing is home. And I'm happy to be here.
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