20 Signs You're an Expat in Beijing

It's hard to believe we've been here for about six months already! So in the spirit of BuzzFeed and the website's wildly popular lists, I came up with my own.

1. You begin to like drinking hot water

Because you're probably not going to get anything else except tea. And ensuring it's boiled means you won't get sick. 

2. Healthcare has a whole different meaning

Seeing a dentist includes a half-ass cleaning, sans X-rays, and no consultation on whether anything is wrong. 

3. You watch the National Geographic Channel and a slew of CNN. 

With only five English channels, it's like watching TV in remote Idaho.  

4. You get the Beijing cough at least once a month

Pollution, and people spitting and coughing without covering their mouths create a hotbed for infection.

5. You get used to waiters telling you they don't have multiple dishes on the menu, even though they say they do.

And they look at YOU like you're insane for asking why it's on the menu. 

6. You bargain for everything

Gym memberships, furniture, plants, Mandarin lessons.

7. On sunny, clear days you drop everything to get outside

It's the equivalent of a sunny day in Seattle.

8. You start to like instant coffee.

Because finding good coffee here is a lifelong crusade, and even Starbucks isn't as strong. 

9. You celebrate small victories. 

Went grocery shopping? CONGRATS!!! 

10. You miss Duane Reade/Walgreens

To get cough medicine, eye liner and milk, you have to go to three different stores in China. 

11. You stick to beer -- and get used to drinking it warm.

Because asking for a cold one usually means room temperature. And wines and liquors could be fakes, or look like turpentine-smelling sludge. 

12. You forget about even trying to find something natural/gluten free/vegan

Ezekiel bread? Almond milk? Not here.

13. You save your clothes shopping for trips back to the U.S.

Because Beijing has no style. And you're not willing to pay the 20% import taxes at Zara and H&M.

14. The idea of ordering one entree terrifies you.

It's not a proper meal for four in China without at least 10 dishes. 

15. You avoid the Forbidden Palace and Tiananmen

Just like no New Yorker visits the Empire State Building, unless visitors are in town.

16. Mopeds are saviors

Traffic in the city of 21.5 million makes L.A.'s roads look tame. 

17. You carry packs of Kleenex everywhere

Those squat toilets most likely don't have TP. And at some restaurants, you have to pay for napkins. 

18. You coin Chinglish phrases.

Shenme the fuck just sounds better. 

19. Your Mandarin teacher is also your psychologist

Who else do you see five times a week and will listen willingly if you've had a bad day -- particularly if you try to explain it in Chinese? 

20. If dinner costs more than $15 a person, including alcohol, you throw a fit.

Unless you're dining at a fancy Western restaurant, of course.